When I learned that I would be tasked with writing a survival guide for Black Friday, my first piece of advice came quickly: just don’t do it. Then a question: why would you do it? And, lastly, a morose realization: people will always do it. But you won’t convert me. I don’t want anyone to participate in this spasm-based, unruly shopping free-for-all (dominated by a terrifying version of mob mentality that seems much more suited for Halloween than for December’s holidays) let alone our beloved readers of Style, but I digress. You’re going to do it any way, and if you’re going to do it, I want you to not only be prepared but also to be successful. There are hordes of Black Friday shopper drones out there running on discount autopilot, and your job is to get the goods before they do. May the odds be ever in your favor.
1. Get up before the roosters (probably just iPhone alarms) wake up your competition.
I can hear you laughing at me now, “Duh, Christian, that’s obvious! ” But be warned: I know that a glass of pinot noir with Thanksgiving dinner can lead to six more. Plan ahead: Buy Gatorade ahead of time. Buy Advil too. Set six alarms.
2. Don’t feel obliged to wear pants.
No, I’m not suggesting that you save time by rolling out of bed and going to the stores in your undies. Rather, I’d urge you to check online before heading out into the wee, frightful hours of this hauntingly Black morning. More often than not, you’ll be able find the same doorbuster deals available to the clothed store-goers on your iPad or laptop from the convenience (and general safety) of your bed.
3. Remember how everyone was thanking Amazon at the Emmys?
Well, you should too, but for more selfish and frugal reasons. Add Wal-Mart to that list as well. Don’t be duped into buying the Game of Thrones season four DVD set for your brother-in-law on a Black Friday “sale.” When you’re shopping, compare the deals to prices listed on low price websites like Amazon and Wal-Mart to see if your sale is actually just a “sale.”
4. Remember that Black Friday doesn’t last forever.
Certain Black Friday deals are going to be exactly what I just wrote: they will be Black Friday deals. These are deals that only occur on Black Friday. If you’re uncertain as to whether or not to purchase something, think wisely about your hesitation. The deal may not be available later, and while you hesitate, someone may step on your big toe and take the last Nüüd LifeProof case out from under your nose.
These tips may make the difference between you being a survivor of Black Friday (and also a hero of the holiday season) and another brainwashed consumer left under a heaping pile of culottes and infinity scarves.
