Plenty of men feel daunted and discouraged by the world of online dating. If you’re wishing you had the nerve to get started or are flummoxed by disappointing results, local online dating and marketing consultant Emily Hammel-Shaver of MenAskEm has great tips to help men focus their efforts on creating great profiles and sending great messages.
DO
Share Specific Details About Yourself
Share real-life examples of your hobbies, interests, values, job, lifestyle and passions. Avoid general descriptors like “active” or “fun-loving.”
Instead of saying you’re “easy-going,” share how you normally relax. One man’s meditation is another man’s Walking Dead marathon. This shows both your personality and what you might share and enjoy together, so you’ll meet more women based on a foundation of solid connections, mutual interest and chemistry. That’s what leads to a great first date—and many more.
DON’T
Describe Who You’re Looking For
Instead of listing the qualities you want in a woman (or the types you want to avoid), take advantage of your profile to show women that YOU are who they’re looking for. When you’re specific about your lifestyle, values and passions, like-minded women will be drawn to you without your having to pre-screen them with a list on your profile. You know what you’re looking for. You’ll recognize it when you see it.
DO
Have a PositiveAttitude
Be excited to live in an era in which 35 percent of relationships start online, relationships that research shows could be happier in the long run than relationships that start offline. Be proud of yourself for being proactive about meeting someone great. Let that positivity show!
Unfortunately, some men feel sorry for themselves because they’re dating online, or use their profiles to unload their baggage. Remember that this is one place where you get to be yourself so the right woman can find you. Maybe you grill the best steak in the Valley, or know the best hiking trails within a 20-mile radius; share it. Women find it really attractive when a guy knows who he is and what makes him happy. Be the man that women can’t wait to meet.
DON’T
Forget toSpell-check
Some guys seem so relieved to be finished writing their profiles that they forget to check for errors before posting. Tons of spelling and grammatical errors make a guy seem careless, lazy or dumb—not desirable qualities.
It’s fine if spelling and grammar don’t come naturally. Different kinds of smarts make the world go round! But don’t let excessive errors distract from what you’re actually saying.
DO
Choose Your BestProfile Picture
Your main profile picture is your “bait” to get women to click on your profile. Make sure it’s flattering, clearly shows your face and shows only you, in good lighting! Avoid photos that are dark, shot from far away or include other people. This way, when a woman is scrolling through hundreds of men in her search results, your photo will stand out clearly, sparking interest and inspiring her to learn more about you.
DON’T
Forget to Post a Range of Pictures
Choosing photos that show your hobbies, interests, sense of humor, pets and your full life are way better than any selfie, because they can show a woman how much you might have to talk about and do together—all before she’s even read your profile.
Post three to eight photos, including one showing your full body. Cute pets work double-time in your favor. Captions are a great bonus opportunitylots of men forget to take advantage of, adding more detail that could help her find more common ground with you.
DON’T
Ignore Deal Breakers
It’s great to make sure you jive with a woman’s written profile, but confirm that you align with other details she shares, too, like the type of relationship she’s looking for, age range, height, faith, politics, whether she has or wants children and whether she smokes or not.
Women rely on these typical deal breakers to screen a barrage of messages from men who aren’t a true fit. Ignoring these details makes it look like you skipped the profile and were solely motivated by her pictures.
Your time and efforts are best spent messaging women who are looking for someone like you!
DO
Start the ConversationOther Men Can’t
Don’t bother with impersonal, superficial messageslike Heyyyyy or Hello gorgeous… ;)
What a woman really wants in a first message is simple. She wants to know that you’ve found commonalities in her profile, find her genuinely interesting and are making an effort to starta conversation.
The best technique is to ask a question. Digging a little deeper, showing your interest in a woman’s thoughts, opinions and experiences—this is flattering. The more you learn about each other, the more certain she can be that she wants to meet you!
