The world needs kind people. So how do we make sure our kids care? The Pratyush Sinha Foundation brings mindfulness into schools to show youngsters strategies to cultivate kindness towards themselves and others. Here's founder Prabha Sinha's wisdom on bringing out the best in all of us, great and small.
What Is Compassion?
“Humans are hard-wired for compassion,” says Sinha. Compassion is defined as awareness of others' distress with a desire to alleviate it—not to be confused with pity. Just like we evolved our facility for complex language through close interdependence, our capacity for connectedness and caring is part of our species. Developing this capacity starts in the home, in the community and in the classroom.
Why Aren't People Nicer?
If it feels like we could all stand to be a little nicer, Sinha suggests that might be because priorities for learning have been a bit out of balance. “I think in the last 20 to 40 years, so much stress has been on the IQ, test scores, going to college. Social-emotional skills have taken a secondary place,” she says.
Now research shows that one thing successful people share is good relationships. Social harmony also affects us physiologically, with enhanced immune function, better-regulated stress and even slowed aging. The gains from getting along can't be overstated!
Where Does Mindfulness Come In?
Kids can learn mindfulness techniques like breathing exercises and visualizations, and in fact Sinha says many children take to it more easily than adults! “The feeling of calm and quiet and being joyful is a natural part of us,” she explains, “and kids are much closer to it than we are.”
These calming practices are tools for self-soothing and self-regulation in the face of life's frustrations, offering space to breathe and decide how to respond, rather than react.
Awareness
Talking to kids about how they're feeling, encouraging them to investigate and understand the options they have in response, gives an emotional vocabulary and recognition that makes other people's feelings easier to recognize and relate to.
Sinha might lead a conversation with kids thinking about something good they did for somebody, and how it made them feel, then visualize when someone else did something good for them. It's empowering to know we can generate those good feelings in ourselves and others.
Don't Ignore Feelings
Sometimes without meaning to, we teach children to ignore their feelings. If a kid falls down and we quickly tell them they're OK, what does OK mean? Denying your experience? We need kids to recognize that what they're feeling is important so they can make that connection with others.
“Not that anybody is teaching a kid to be unkind or a bully,” Sinha says, “but without connection, that happens.” So many factors are involved in any child's behavior, but given an environment where they feel supported and listened to, kids can feel safe to identify and approach their own insecurities or troubles with self-compassion and learn to let go of negative behavior patterns.
Do As I Do
Kids learn by example, perhaps more than we're always prepared for. Modeling mindful behavior is a 24/7 endeavor, and we're not always going to get it right. But not always getting things right is part of life, and we can model that, too.
Instead of raging out on the road, Sinha says, “Acknowledge what you're feeling: ‘I'm angry, I need to take a minute.'” If you make a mistake, you can admit, “I screwed up, but it's OK. I can do it over and I'll do my best.”
Self-compassion gives us the resilience to manage things going wrong. Because from time to time they will!
Cultivating Creativity
We know that modeling overuse of technology is a no-no, but why is Sinha so concerned about excess access to phones and tablets at a young age? “Even a mindfulness video doesn't make up for actually being with the child and doing something together,” she says. “Being outdoors, looking around, talking about birds, flowers, animals—that's what for a child initiates the creativity and imagination.”
We need to be together to learn how to be together, and we need a good imagination to put us in the shoes of others. There's no substitute for social interaction and concrete experience when it comes to developing minds.
Classroom Consistency
To carry on good “mental hygiene” in school as well as at home, the Pratyush Sinha Foundation offers workshops for teachers to help manage the emotional lives of their classrooms. “This is something that has to be consistent and repetitive,” Sinha says, “so kids pick up and learn that it's normal.”
See if your child's school is making the move to mindfulness.
The Expert:
Prabha Sinha
Founder of the Pratyush Sinha Foundation
