People make a lot of resolutions to start off the New Year. You know the drill… lose weight, quit smoking, learn conversational French, organize the pantry, etc. Unfortunately, many people also decide to make a fresh start by ending their marriage. In fact, January is sometimes referred to as "divorce month." The holidays can be overwhelming and some legal experts have found that the thought of adding a divorce into the mix is not an option for most. Therefore, the courts usually see a spike in cases filed at the start of the New Year.
While separation and divorce are never easy and can be an emotional roller coaster for everyone involved, it is possible to have a healthy split. Barbara Baldo of Cohen, Feeley, Altemose and Rambo has some tips to help you through the ride:
1. MAKE SURE IT IS REALLY OVER
Sometimes threats are made out of anger. Once you start the actual proceedings, everything changes and it becomes almost impossible to turn back. Make certain that this is the path you truly want to take.
2. GET ORGANIZED
Start a “divorce file.” Compile a list of assets including real estate, cars, financial accounts, insurance, household items, jewelry and safe deposit boxes. Also, include important documents like mortgage agreements, vehicle titles, insurance policies, marriage certificates, tax returns and estate plans. Run your credit report and make sure it's accurate. Equally important, remember to include all debt that you have acquired personally and as a couple.
3. SEEK LEGAL REPRESENTATION
It is essential that you surround yourself with people that will look out for your best interests throughout this process. Therefore, whether you hire an attorney or a mediator, you will need sound legal advice. Failing to choose the right legal representative can cause you problems for decades to come.
4. WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?
Divorce is difficult enough for spouses, but for kids it can be downright frightening. Talk to your kids as soon as you are certain of your plans. Ideally, both parents should be part of the conversation and, if possible, give your children as much notice of the upcoming change. Whether your kids express fear, worry, or relief, they'll want to know how their own day-to-day lives might change so be prepared to answer their questions honestly, even if the answer is “I don't know yet.” Most importantly, remind them it's not their fault.
5. TAKE CARE OF YOU
Even the most amicable divorce will take its toll on you physically and emotionally. Lean on friends and family, join a support group or see a therapist to cope with all the emotions you'll experience during your divorce. Continue to maintain balance by eating well, exercising and socializing. Sign up for that yoga class you've been thinking about or just put on your sneakers and walk through the neighborhood. Or, consider volunteering—it's a great way to focus on something other than your divorce while giving back to your community.
6. CREATE NEW EXPERIENCES
Divorce is a life-changing experience and as a result, many people end up re-inventing themselves. While all this can sound scary, the end result can be very positive and new opportunities just might be ahead for you. Celebrate your new life! Take a vacation by yourself (even if it's just visiting an old friend), start a new holiday tradition with—or without—the kids, get a new hairstyle or create an online dating profile. Most importantly, forgive your spouse and forgive yourself.
Bottom line: Every divorce is unique and even the most amicable separations will create upheaval. Be prepared, ask for support and, eventually, embrace the change.
Ask the Expert:
Barbara L. Baldo
Partner
Cohen, Feeley, Altemose & Rambo
Bethlehem / Whitehall / Stroudsburg | cohenfeeley.com
This post is a sponsor collaboration between Cohen, Feeley, Altemose & Rambo and Lehigh Valley Style.
