If the thought of January resolutions prompts nothing but anxiety and doubt, you might be among those who can't seem to get themselves to cooperate with new goals. By February, 80 percent of shiny, hopeful new gym memberships have evaporated, with the rest trickling quietly away soon after. Some incredibly driven and motivated freaks of nature aside, we could all do with a rescue from our own frustrating, bewildering lack of stick-to-itiveness. Bobbi-Jo Brighton, owner and founder of Boldful Life, shares her expertise on empowering women to live their aspirations through Mental Toughness.
What Goes Wrong?
For one common example, many people want to lose weight, and it presents a perennial and soul-crushing challenge. Brighton herself started out on a personal and professional journey from the wreckage of a yo-yo dieting habit. She was no stranger to the common wisdom of good health: eat well, drink water, exercise. “Oftentimes we know exactly what we need to do,” Brighton says. “I realized that it comes down to head game.”
The five words that so often scuttle our good intentions are, “I don't feel like it.” When the appointed time rolls around to sneaker-up and get sweaty, we're faced with the suddenly very compelling thought that we don't feel like it. And whether it's that or some other excuse, our responsible side is all too likely unequipped to win the debate.
Willpower vs. Whypower
Fed up with not meeting her goal, Brighton decided to go deeper. A simple intention to maintain healthy habits wasn't cutting it. “New Year's resolutions fail because they're working on willpower rather than whypower,” she says. She looked past her original goal to lose weight and found a multitude of whys. “I wanted to be a good role model for my sons. I wanted to look good naked. I want to be healthy and active at 95. I wanted to end my self-sabotage once and for all.”
When the adrenaline of that first month wears off, life happens. Maybe you've been working on money management, and the only thing standing between you and the recurring temptation of a frivolous purchase is a flimsy resolution. Without exploring and understanding the whys of your goal, simple willpower can't stand up to the draw of instant gratification.
The Art of the Pause
As powerless as we might feel in the wake of a backslide, there's always a chance to choose. Brighton quotes Viktor Frankl: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space.” Take a moment to pause and assess the decision in front of you when you feel the excuses welling up.
If you've reflected on your deeper reasons for a goal, you can draw on them to add weight to the question of whether a short-lived ice cream experience trumps the self-credibility and progress represented by celery and circuit training. Brighton recommends journaling to all her clients to become versed in the whys that they truly want informing their actions.
“In life, there are only three things we control,” she says, “actions, reactions and thoughts or mindset.” Pause and recognize the power you have.
Hack the System
Thoughts and beliefs create actions and behaviors. Returning to Brighton's dieting difficulty, a big part of overcoming it was recognizing the belief system she was working under. “What I told myself was that exercise was drudgery, a necessary evil in order to get desired results,” she says. The belief didn't serve her; in fact, it caused avoidance and stress.
We become what we think about, and though it takes time and intention, we can use declarations and mantras to practice a new way of thinking that will change how we feel about what we do. Brighton decided on a better angle and reprogrammed herself with the following: “Exercise is a privilege that I'm grateful to do every day.”
Wouldn't a lot of things be easier if they had positive associations? Pause, recognize your mindset and decide whether it needs an update.
Strive, Don't Struggle
Brighton's Mental Toughness approach may be no-nonsense, no excuses and demand a lot of energy, but it's not meant to be rigid and self-denying. An alternative to the mindless rigor of inarticulate willpower (and often resultant self-disgusted failure), most of the work involved is introspection to understand yourself, your motivations and the ways you self-sabotage. Self-awareness paves the way to bring your goals in line with your actions and restore a sense of self-credibility.
This Mental Toughness mentor has plenty more to say on self-sabotage and the guidance we get from our emotions, but for now you can get journaling about what you want and why you want it to start experimenting with Brighton's techniques. It could be the start of a better relationship with the person most responsible for your happiness: you!
The Expert:
Bobbi-Jo Brighton
Owner & Founder, Boldful Life
570.332.5889 | boldful.life
