Sex and relationship therapist Jonathan Asayag, LCSW, CAADC, normally shares his expertise with clients at Renew Wellness & Psychotherapy, LLC, in Easton's Simon Silk Mill, but he's letting readers in on some of his helpful insight here. Asayag talks love languages, bonding rituals, self-care and more below.
How would you describe your personal philosophy when it comes to overall wellness?
I emphasize a multidimensional, holistic approach, promoting physical, mental, intimate and emotional well-being. I prioritize setting clear boundaries to maintain a healthy work-life balance. I am also very mindful of challenging myself and trying new things just as I would encourage my clients to do, as well.
Tell us about the work that you do as a sex and relationship therapist.
I work with couples and individuals to help them enhance their intimacy, connection and pleasure. I also work with people who choose to open up their relationship through ethical non-monogamy and/or polyamory. I use modern and nuanced therapeutic approaches to help my clients achieve their goals.
What do you think are some of the most common hurdles that couples run into in a relationship?
How to manage discrepancies, whether it is communication, love languages, attachment styles or libido. We are all wired differently and how we manage those discrepancies is essentially at the core of the challenges I see in my practice.
What is your advice for enhancing connection in a relationship?
Setting intentional time to talk to each other. Without interruptions. It sounds cliché but scheduling a weekly check-in time, whether through sitting down for a cup of coffee or going for a walk together. It doesn't need to take long, 20–30 minutes. Trust me, it works and the research backs it up.
In what ways do you believe that therapy is self-care?
Therapy provides a dedicated space for individuals to reflect on their thoughts, emotions and experiences, fostering self-awareness and personal growth. It offers the opportunity to process and manage stress, anxiety and emotional challenges, ultimately improving one's mental and emotional well-being.
Do you think that every couple should seek counseling at one point or another in their relationship?
I don't believe so. People and couples are resilient; however, when your partner asks you to go to counseling the first time, please seriously consider it. Don't dismiss it or avoid it. Be proactive. Do not wait until the problems and challenges get bigger.
What role do you think love languages play in a relationship? How important is it to know and pay attention to your partner's love language?
Love languages play a pivotal role in relationships. Most people are not aware of love languages or are dismissive of the concept. I encourage people to be aware of their love language and their person's love language, and just like traditional language, folks may have multiple love languages and can also learn and adapt to their partner's love language.
Love languages play a pivotal role in relationships.
Tell us about the importance of bonding rituals in a relationship.
Bonding rituals play a crucial role in relationships by fostering emotional connection and intimacy between partners. These shared experiences, maybe it's a date night or a personal tradition, create a sense of togetherness and reinforce the unique bond between individuals.
What advice do you have for couples struggling to prioritize their relationship with each other after having children?
Be intentional about reconnecting with one another. Nurture the couple (who you were before kids). I like to use the rule of two. Plan a date night every two weeks, schedule an overnight trip every two months and take a couple's vacation every two years.
Tell us about your personal practices and/or daily habits when it comes to mental health.
I move my body! I exercise when feeling stressed. Pause and ask myself what I need right now when I am feeling “off.” I also monitor hydration, sleep and appetite. I do my best to focus on the basics and notice body sensations.
Describe your morning routine. Is there anything you simply can't start your day without?
As a husband and parent, my morning routine focuses on helping us all to get out of the house on time. I am sure many parents can relate to the challenges of morning routines with little ones. One thing that is very important to me is a morning hug, touch and kiss from my wife. To me, it is very connective and grounding and it helps me get my day started.
How about your nighttime routine?
My nighttime routine typically focuses on connecting with my wife (who is also a therapist). Either watching a show together, catching up on our days or sharing an occasional glass of wine together (yay for Sancerre). We end our evenings by sharing a goodnight kiss.
What are a few healthy habits you try to practice throughout the day?
I try to incorporate body movement as much as I can and as a therapist, I sit down a lot. I am very lucky to have our office next to the Karl Stirner Arts Trail so I go for walks there in between clients and also will sit outside and ground myself by listening to the sounds of the Bushkill Creek. Most of my clients also engage in similar activities either before or after our sessions.
What's your favorite meal to make at home?
I am Peruvian, so making Peruvian ceviche is something that my wife and I truly appreciate. The Leche de Tigre that accompanies the ceviche is a powerful aphrodisiac.
What are your favorite eateries and restaurants to visit in the Lehigh Valley for a good meal? What do you order?
Mister Lee's at the Easton Public Market (Black Garlic Noodles), pizza from Scratch, Machu Picchu Peruvian Restaurant in Bethlehem (Pollo a la Brasa).
Is there anywhere locally that you love to shop for grocery items?
Easton Public Market and the outdoor Easton Farmers' Market.
What's something that you love to indulge in?
I am a big fan of Star Wars, most recently collecting Lego Star Wars and also collecting retro video games and video game systems. I am not a gamer but I love to connect with the fun parts of my childhood.
Where are some of your favorite places to visit in the Valley?
When I am not at a playground with my little ones, The Game Gallery in Easton, South Mall Mercantile (Star Wars collectibles), Karl Stirner Arts Trail and Lafayette College campus.
Do you have a preferred exercise routine?
I appreciate going for long picturesque walks in our neighborhood and I also love using my exercise bike.
What goals do you have for your personal wellness?
Continue growing personally by focusing on community and friendships—particularly building my friendships with other men, as building community is crucial to expand personal growth.
How do you stay motivated?
By acknowledging that motivation comes in waves. I do my best to nurture myself when things become challenging, avoid social media and focus on enhancing motivation by connecting to things that truly matter to me.
How do you relieve stress?
Building Lego Star Wars sets, talking through my stressors, a long hug, connecting with my friends, cooking, listening (and dancing) to salsa, bachata and reggaetón, and playing soccer with my son.
Who is someone you look up to?
My wife. She is my inspiration, motivation and holds me accountable.
Do you have a personal mantra that you'd like to share?
It's less of a verbal mantra and more of a somatic mantra. I notice where in my body I am holding on to the emotions: “Notice that.”
Published as “Living Well With” in the January 2024 edition of Lehigh Valley Style magazine.
