Jacquelyn Youst
Professional Etiquette Consultant
The workplace can present an experiment in striking the right note of courtesy and courage. It’s another juggling trick for women, who are often laboring under imperatives to be attractive and non-confrontational, which distracts from just doing their jobs with confidence. Jacquelyn Youst, Professional Etiquette Consultant right here in the Valley, is a master of which fork to use at a fancy dinner, how to ace a job interview and present with panache. This month, she offers us a list of dos and don’ts for women in the workplace that combines etiquette and emotional IQ to help women be powerful and productive.
1. Don’t Downplay Your Achievements
How often have you heard a woman respond to a compliment by contradicting it? When you receive a compliment or award, accept it graciously. You earned it! And if you’ve ever given earnest praise, you know it feels better to have it hit home than be deflected. Youst’s example of a modest yet deserving response shows how easy it is to be sincerely appreciative without downplaying your own work or the complimenter’s good opinion. “Don’t say ‘Oh, I just got lucky,’” say Youst, “or ‘I did the best I could with the presentation.’ An example of what you should say is, ‘I’m pleased my efforts paid off, thank you.’”
2. Don’t Apologize for Your Opinion
Women are said to apologize much more than men as a way to smooth social interactions, but this can be interpreted as weakening one’s position, practically pre-disagreeing with ourselves before anyone else has a chance. In business, Youst says, “You want to confidently share your opinion at a meeting. Don’t diminish your viewpoint by saying, ‘I’m sorry, but I think we should reevaluate our marketing plan.’” You’ve got good reasons for reevaluating that marketing plan, so state your opinion clearly and with assurance.
3. Don’t Derail Your Credibility
We can sabotage ourselves by telegraphing to others how much respect and attention we feel we deserve. “Don’t speak in a low tone,” Youst says. “You’ll appear unsure of yourself.” By using direct statements instead of coming off as if we’re asking for permission, we’re encouraging others to take us seriously. Own what you say, and speak with confidence, using the appropriate inflection and tone. “You are included in a meeting,” Youst reminds, “because your colleagues feel you have something important to offer.”
4. Do Dress Professionally
It’s a fact that others judge us based on what they see. Our attire is a [form of] communication, and we want our clothing to send the right message. Youst claims that 55 percent of impressions are derived from a visual aspect. “You want to draw attention to your best professional assets and not distract with other ‘assets.’ Be aware, less clothing equals less power,” she says. Here’s a minefield men have certainly avoided!
Impression management is using clothing to send a non-verbal message about our desire to work and move to a higher level of employment. We may dress socially according to how we feel, but in business we must dress according to whom we meet and interact with. Be mindful of your audience.
5. Do Be Aware of Body Language
How we carry ourselves is a huge tell when it comes to confidence, and others pick it up subconsciously. Good posture makes an ongoing impression of strength. Nervous habits like playing with your hair or fidgeting, on the other hand, indicate that you are unsure of yourself.
According to Youst, “You maintain control by being aware of the rules of engagement, knowing proper etiquette.” For example, she explains how to counter a male-dominating handshake: When a man reaches to shake hands and his palm is facing down, take his hand and turn it up to a vertical level, so both your thumbs point up. No need for a death grip, but it shows that you’re meeting as equals.
6. Do Position Yourself as Knowledgeable
If you’re afraid that confidence in your own expertise will come off too strong, know that, to some extent, that’s outside your control. Studies have shown that women only need to make up 17 percent of a group for men to perceive it as a 50/50 balance. They may be still coming to grips with reality, but you can strive to be noticed for credibility and portray yourself as knowledgeable. “Arrogance,” Youst says, “is a veil for insecurity.” Arrogance talks more than listens, raises the volume to reinforce a point and can’t handle divergent opinions.
Meanwhile, confidence asks questions, is genuine and doesn’t seek attention. People with confidence attract others and create opportunities instead of shutting things down. And if you need one more reason to work on your confidence, they also tend to smile more!
