The embrace of self-love is increasingly mainstream, but for some it may still hold a sort of stigma. Is it silly and selfish, or the exact opposite? Jamie Watkins of My Peace of Happy shares insight she's developed coaching women to discover and live their purpose through self-love.
Reinvention
When her first marriage ended in divorce, Watkins barely recognized herself. Since the age of 15, she'd gone from girlfriend to wife to mother on a trajectory that ended in not feeling worthy or like she was enough. “I embarked on a journey to love myself,” she says. “To ask, ‘What is life going to look like now? How am I going to show up?'”
Drawing on the unconditional love of earthly and heavenly fathers, she learned to heed and encourage her own dreams. Now she's a Happiness Coach and Reinvention Strategist, empowering others to empower themselves. “You get to create the vision you have for your life,” she says. “You get to reinvent your happiness.”
Listen Here
So, if you're not sure, how do you find out who you are and what you want?
“Sit with yourself,” Watkins says. “Maybe you set time aside every Friday to do a brain dump. Take 10 minutes to write down what you're thinking about, what you're feeling.”
Through meditation, journaling or whatever practice works for you, clear the noise away and discover what's underneath. Are you taking care of your body? Is something really bothering you? Is there something you need more of?
Start to ask yourself, “What do I really, really, really want?” And keep asking, keep exploring. The answers can be buried deep!
Factors like kids, partners and obligations come later. “Don't feel bad about making them secondary,” Watkins says. “You were you before you were mom, wife, employee. You shouldn't have to give up or lose that person to be the others.”
Dream as big as you can. What do you look like, sound like, what are you eating, how does your body feel in the life that's best for you?
Give Permission and Gratitude
Who gives you permission to put yourself first? Whether you're a mom who needs more me time, are in a career rut or are just sensing that your spirit is seeking something, no one else is going to block out your calendar for new habits or projects.
“Think how much you give up when you're waiting for someone to make you happy,” Watkins says. You are the one you've been waiting for, and you've been here all along! Watkins recommends a thank you letter to yourself, to the little girl who may have survived trauma, the you of yesterday.
“Embrace all of your story,” she says. “The past can hinder us if we don't embrace it. Embrace that it got you here.”
Draw and Hold the Line
“We're the first to disrespect our personal boundaries,” Watkins warns.
When you assess that you're no longer willing to store your son's junk in your garage, or that you're turning your phone off during your pedicure, you may encounter flare-ups from others unused to these limits. As soon as you fold, you show that your needs aren't important. “We teach others how to treat us,” Watkins says. “People think boundaries are for others, but they're actually for ourselves.”
Trust and confidence in ourselves can be earned by understanding and acting on our own needs, be they for eight hours of sleep, an uninterrupted bubble bath or the pursuit of a new career.
Especially for mothers, shade can be thrown on anything but total sacrifice. In fact, a happy, fulfilled person makes a better parent and role model than someone burnt out and risking resentment. “You can do both,” Watkins says. “Fill your cup with the things that bring you joy, and your family can get your best and not what's left.”
Many Voices
There's a veritable cacophony of voices around us all our lives, from family and friends to social media and tradition. It's natural to want to weigh the opinions of the people closest to us, or compare ourselves to Instagram images, but it can drown out the voice within.
“I used to call myself a people person,” Watkins says, “but I was really a people pleaser. It's important to get wise counsel, ask directions—but there's more than one way to get there.”
The strongest doubt often comes from within. Watkins coaches women to recognize the power they hold in order to foster their own worth and happiness, and “once you taste that power, you can't untaste it.”
Self-love isn't about indulgence, it's about trusting yourself to chart a course to the you who can be happiest, most at peace and really offer her unique gifts to the world.
The Expert:
Jamie Watkins
Happiness Coach & Reinvention Strategist
My Peace of Happy
