It's been a tough year so far, but whatever life throws at us, cultivating awareness of the here and now can help anyone keep calm and carry on—and mindfulness seems to work particularly well for women! Maureen Wendling is the executive director of Shanthi Project, which brings mindfulness to Valley schools. She's offering her insight into how we can make the most of this practice in our day-to-day lives.
Make Friends with Your Mind
Just like an exercise practice, making mindfulness part of your life isn't a quick fix, but with patient persistence, you'll see its effects.
This isn't the place for performance anxiety; there's no such thing as a bad “sit,” as Wendling calls a meditative interlude. “I could sit on a Tuesday and have monkey mind, anxious thoughts racing,” she says. “I still did something good for myself by sitting.”
The idea is to approach your mind's activity in a kind way. Off it goes, that little scamp. Just bring it faithfully back again.
Here are a couple of quick exercises you can try right now:
5 Sense Check-In
When anxiety, anger or another emotion is threatening to take over, interrupt your thought pattern by bringing awareness to the present moment. Identify:
- 5 things you can see
- 4 things you can touch
- 3 things you can hear
- 2 things you can smell
- 1 thing you can taste
Touch Base
For this quick grounding practice, simply stand tall with your shoulders relaxed and take three deep breaths, noticing the support the ground provides.
Pick Your Priorities
In the extra free time many of us have had lately, we might have noticed how it feels—good or bad—to call grandma, to read or watch too much news, or to take a walk and really look at the flowers. By paying attention to the sensations that arise, we're empowered to bring more of what feels good into our lives.
“My husband starts the morning with the business channel or a talk show,” Wendling shares, “and I could feel my nervous system getting flared up. I grew to appreciate a more quiet approach in the morning.”
So much is outside our control, it's easy to forget the constant touchstones of consciousness: We always have our breath and our senses to return to, so try tuning in. What's your inner life asking for?
Interact with Intention
Bringing mindfulness to how we relate to others can teach us some humbling lessons. One exercise sets up two people to take turns telling each other a story. The listener's goal is to do just that, offering no verbal response. “It starts light bulbs on our listening skills,” Wendling says. “Are we really present with people?”
Leaving that space to really take in where another person is coming from can help us connect better, respond more thoughtfully and not take things personally.
“We have this need to hold on tightly to outcomes,” Wendling says, “for people to respond the way we want them to.”
You may feel that tension in your body, and use a few moments of mindfulness to veer away from trying to control a situation or other people, whether it's wanting their agreement or their Instagram likes.
Focus on Your Food
Women's relationships with food can be particularly fraught, whether we're shoveling it down to get on to the next thing, or hounding our every choice with the moral imperative of “clean” eating.
One mindful eating exercise gives participants a shriveled grape to evaluate with all five senses. “They're encouraged to look at a raisin like they've never seen it before,” Wendling says, from the rubbery ripples to the fruity aroma. The lesson: Slow down. “We're missing so many important and beautiful things.”
Noticing the smells, flavors, colors, body sensations and even the emotions around food can help us eat with greater clarity and enjoyment.
The Comparing Mind
Bringing our minds to the present is a great way to practice gratitude. When you find your mind wandering to what you don't have or what you're not doing, and generating anxiety, try to take notice and have compassion. You're doing your best!
“Each night my husband and I will say three things we're grateful for,” Wendling says. Whether it's good health or a little attention from your cat in the course of the day, science shows us that gratitude helps create overall well-being. What we give attention to creates our experience.
The Expert:
Maureen Wendling
Executive Director of Shanthi Project
