It was only a matter of time once she healed physically and emotionally that Patino would begin to piece together the structure of her new vocation as a life mentor. Melding her keen understanding of human behavior, her problem-solving abilities and her years of yoga and life-coaching instruction created a wonderfully tailored new position for her.
It was only a matter of time once she healed physically and emotionally that Patino would begin to piece together the structure of her new vocation as a life mentor. Melding her keen understanding of human behavior, her problem-solving abilities and her years of yoga and life-coaching instruction created a wonderfully tailored new position for her.
It was only a matter of time once she healed physically and emotionally that Patino would begin to piece together the structure of her new vocation as a life mentor. Melding her keen understanding of human behavior, her problem-solving abilities and her years of yoga and life-coaching instruction created a wonderfully tailored new position for her.
“You don't have to feel totally depressed about your life to benefit from this process,” says Patino.
She also says that traveling halfway across the world in search of answers is not recommended for everyone; nor is it practical. And that's exactly why she wanted to write the book, to help others put what she learned into practice.
Anyone can easily get started, she says. You will simply need to establish your first boundary by setting some time aside for yourself to quiet your mind. It is key here to realize that you do have a choice and not to make excuses that you just don't have time.
“If you could just take the time to carve out a five-minute sanctuary for yourself in the morning, or evening—whatever suits your day. Create a space in your home that is just yours, perhaps it's where you practice yoga. Make it a pleasant space, add candles and let your household know this is your space. Create a boundary,” says Patino.
Even taking five minutes on your morning commute is better than nothing, says Patino.
“It's a process and it takes time,” says Patino. Setting that first boundary is the key to getting started. What will your first boundary be?
Recognize Yourself?
Here are a couple of real-life scenarios and Patino's recommendations for moving forward:
Scenario: A single woman in her 40s having a hard time finding work-life balance | Works a full and part-time job to make ends meet | She doesn't feel she has any quality relationships to speak of | She experiences strained communication with her siblings and parents | She often needs to care for elderly parents | Due to an old sports injury, she cannot practice yoga.
Recommendation: There are two essential ingredients to creating balance in your life: One, knowing and holding your boundaries, and two, realizing that life is what you make of it. Self-awareness is essential in defining your boundaries, and allows you to recognize when your needs are being met and when they are being disregarded—not only by someone else, but ultimately when you allow them to become unimportant. Life is a series of gentle negotiations, and having your needs met is your birthright as a human. It is not selfish; it is essential for a healthy, balanced life. Do not give away that right in your interactions with others. When your boundaries are overrun, it is your choice to allow it, and that is the source of most problems encountered in life. It is the reason why work-life balance is often challenging.
Many jobs are stressful and can place enormous demands on your time. Holding your boundaries makes you better able to meet these demands because you are coming from a more grounded place. Caring for yourself enables you to be more efficient and productive, and it is a choice you have the power to make.
You can also increase the quality relationships in your life by getting to know yourself and your needs. This knowledge begins to shape where you focus your energy. So many advice magazines say, “Get a hobby.” It is a pearl of wisdom—put your energy into something you enjoy, and you begin to spend more time in joy. Joining groups that have people that share your interests expands your community. Doing activities that you enjoy makes you a happier person, and that makes you more attractive. This is all pretty basic stuff that we tend to forget about when we are off-balance.
“Doing activities that you enjoy makes you a happier person, and that makes you more attractive.”
Increasing your knowledge of what you enjoy and spending time doing what supports you does more than give you a positive outlook. It also begins to open up opportunities by increasing your network and expressing your talents, which in turn, increases your confidence. You can begin to create more possibilities for a better employment situation from a place of personal power when you shift out of victim mode.
The necessity of making ends meet is unfortunately far too common in these troubled times. It can require rethinking what is necessary and being flexible in the face of constraints. The key is to look at what you really need—not what advertising and popular culture say that you should have. We create suffering for ourselves when we measure life by what we lack instead of being grateful for what we have.
Watching our parents get older can be a difficult experience, as we assume their former role of caregiver. By accepting that this is an inevitable fact of life, we can consciously let go of any pain around the experience (unless we want to suffer) and focus instead on gratitude for the care they gave us for many years. They did their best for us. Hold your boundaries, care for yourself so that you may be able to care for them while at your best. Service to another is valued in all spiritualities. Dedicate your actions to a higher power, and choose to spread love when faced with inconvenience, fear or resentment.
Having healed my hip, as well as a slight scoliosis and a tennis elbow, with yoga, I personally find it hard to use an old sports injury as a reason not to practice yoga. With a good teacher, yoga is amazingly therapeutic and your practice can be adapted for many physical limitations. Connecting the breath with the movement of the body is an essential component of wellness and balance, and yoga is especially effective in doing so. If it truly is not possible, other Eastern traditions are also beneficial.
Scenario: A woman in her 30s feels already chewed up and spit out by the corporate world, but she cannot quit | She is married and has three kids | They are having trouble making ends meet | She feels emotionally exhausted and depleted | Has a hard time remaining upbeat for her kids and is tired of hearing all the negative messages the world is currently sending her.
Recommendation: I know what it's like to feel chewed up by the corporate world and recognize how lucky I was to be able to make the dramatic change that I did. I also know it is not possible for most. That's part of the reason I wrote my book, Do You Think You Will Break?, and have focused my energy on finding a solution that helps women in their everyday lives. The need for a paycheck does not supersede the need to hold boundaries; both can be accommodated.
By defining and setting your boundaries, you can more effectively focus your energy. Accepting that you cannot change your job situation at the present time is an important step, as it allows you to release the suffering around it. Begin to define the type of scenario you would like to have for work in the future and find activities outside of your job that fulfill and support you. As you direct your energy to setting goals you open up possibilities for creating a future work situation that more closely meets your needs. I spent many years in the corporate world defining that place for myself so that when I was ready to jump, I knew where I was going. Having a vision for the future gives you something to work toward and taking the first step by defining those goals sets the process of manifesting them into motion. Incorporate a practice such as journaling every day to refine those goals, and take one small action each week to begin making it a reality (such as reading an article, taking an online course, speaking with an expert, etc.).
Ask your husband and your community for help when you need it, and give help freely when you can. Remember that it is not acceptable to always give of yourself if you are not taking care of yourself, as well. Accept that it is okay to do that.
Incorporate personal practices every day for quieting the mind, nourishing the spirit and energizing the body. This can be as simple as designating a personal sanctuary in your home that you visit for five minutes in the morning and five minutes at night. Set your boundaries with your children to ensure that you are not disturbed for the period you define. Look at the nutritional value of the foods you are eating and try to incorporate more raw foods (salad greens, raw vegetables, nuts and seeds) into your diet. These foods will support your body with more natural energy. When exhausted, the last thing you may want to do is exercise. However, it is the best thing you can do to begin building your body's energy—keeping the body still will not strengthen it, only movement will. It can be as simple as taking a walk around the block every day (practical exercises and shopping lists can be accessed in the resource section of my website, robinpatino.com).
You can't turn on any form of mass media these days without being bombarded by negative messages. This again involves a conscious choice. You don't have to listen to them. Start making more conscious choices about the images and words you allow into your world. The practice was invaluable in my own process of getting to know myself. Quiet the stimulus, noise and other peoples' opinions that drown out what your inner voice is saying.
Begin to notice when your body starts to tighten up or feels over-stimulated. Identify what causes that reaction, and what things cause a more positive or peaceful reaction. Begin to eliminate the things that over-stimulate and increase the things that provide peace. Actively choose positivity, and then match your actions with your words. Boost your own positive energy by consciously choosing to associate with positive people of integrity in your life. Expect the best from people, forgive mistakes, but also recognize when to cut your losses.
Learn more about her mentoring practice at robinpatino.com.
