So you've found the love of your life and have decided to get married. Mazel tov! Before I lay out your comprehensive guide to mastering the big day, let's take a second and acknowledge some really significant accomplishments that you've achieved to get this far.
First of all, let's celebrate the fact that you've found your best friend. Note: if you've had a best friend for years, please move that person over to the number two position. Your new spouse will become your new best friend. If not, there will be issues.
Secondly, congratulations on buying the ring. I know how financially difficult that step is to take. Unless you're the heir to an oil fortune, buying an engagement ring is an incredible sacrifice that takes months or even years to accomplish. Relish the fact that you saved up, bucked up and showed up with serious bling that tells everyone your babe encounters that she's your girl. Take pride in that, my friend, because it's huge.
Now that we've acknowledged your incredible achievements, let's get on to the task at hand, shall we? Let's dive into how you're going to earn the title #BestGroomEver in all those social media posts proclaiming how fantastic your wedding celebration is.
Let's dive into how you're going to earn the title #BestGroomEver in all those social media posts proclaiming how fantastic your wedding celebration is.
The most important step in this process involves planning. My advice: if you have a solid plan and you do your homework, you'll nail this thing. If you just show up and be a lump, your bride will get all the props and your guests will walk away wondering what kind of husband you'll turn out to be.
Just like the caterer you hire has to plan to make sure your guests are well fed and happy, you have a laundry list of details to manage to make sure you look good and you're perceived as a gracious host. They don't call this Your Special Day because you're a VIP guest. You're the host, player. Act like one!
If you're a groom-to-be, I'm sure you know that the first step in the process once she says “yes” is usually selecting a wedding venue and caterer. Once that step is complete, your bride and you will begin the arduous process of selecting and buying her dress and determining vendors for the invitations, flowers, décor, music, cake, photographer, videographer, photo booths, transportation, accommodations and welcome gifts and rentals. Phew! Then comes the process of determining the rehearsal dinner and post-wedding brunch locations.
That's a lot to organize! Oh, and a new trend in the wedding game includes brides buying multiple dresses: one for the ceremony; one for the introduction; one for the dancing; and one to trash. Yikes! All I can say about this set of decisions is that you should choose your battles, cowboy. Sometimes you just have to let your girl have what she wants. That might be the modern definition of marriage.
Put yourself in the minds of each guest as you place them at each table on the chart and ask, “If I were giving up four or more hours of my life to attend this affair, would I be happy at this table?”
In my experience, and I have a ton of wedding experience (not because I've been married more than once, but because I have consulted on opening more than a dozen wedding venues in and around the Delaware and Lehigh Valleys), there are two types of grooms: Those who are hands-on and those that are hands-off. Whether you're part of the entire decision making process or not, you have to design a blueprint for your big day or you will just be along for the ride. Now let me be clear and say that I don't look down upon grooms who don't play a significant role in the wedding planning process. Sometimes a bride knows exactly what she wants, and that can be a very good thing. If she becomes bridezilla along the way, you'll need to intervene. You'll know what I'm talking about when the bridezilla shows up. And sometimes a bride and groom hire an extraordinary wedding planner who is a masterful professional with a ton of ideas and expertise. If you can afford to hire one, I strongly recommend it. The good ones are fantastic and will ensure that your day is an incredible experience that you will treasure throughout your life together. I would seek referrals from friends who you trust if you decide to hire a wedding planner, and always ask for five references from any vendor you hire for any job.
Once everything is in motion and you're feeling like a dynamic duo, you'll get into the entertaining process of determining your guest list, table seating chart and timeline for the affair. I really do like this process, but beware there are land mines along the way. My advice regarding seating is to seat cool guests with cool guests, co-workers with co-workers, and family members with family members. Put yourself in the minds of each guest as you place them at each table on the chart and ask, “If I were giving up four or more hours of my life to attend this affair, would I be happy at this table?” Sure, you'll have to put some square pegs in round holes, but you can go out of your way to make connections for those guests that need introductions before or during the celebration. I strongly encourage prioritizing that for any guests that need an icebreaker. Remember, you're the host with the most, right?
As Style Guy, my favorite part of this process involves, you guessed it, the selection of your attire. This is the best part! I recommend that you select a look that defines your personality
and personal style. This is your wedding day, and there will be a ton of photos of you—between the professionals you hire snapping away to just about every guest utilizing their smartphones to tell everyone they know that they're celebrating with you via social media, you will feel like a celebrity on the red carpet the entire day.
Here are a few choices to consider, which you can accessorize to fit your own personal style. I wore a white dinner jacket with a hand-tied black and gold check bow tie and jet-black slacks to my wedding, which is a classic James Bond look. I love that style and wouldn't do it any differently if I had to do it over. If I were tying the knot today, I would consider a black or navy blue tuxedo with a matching long skinny tie, a stark white shirt with a laydown collar, and a white pocket square poking one-quarter inch out across my pocket. The laydown collar looks like most dress shirt collars. Wingtip collars are out of style right now, and Mandarin collars aren't for everyone, as they seem more casual and don't allow for a tie. I walked into a black tie wedding sporting my new custom-made navy blue tuxedo and strategically placed pocket square a few weeks ago and drew a ton of compliments on the tux, the skinny tie and the square. About 20 percent of the male guests in attendance wore long ties, which was surprising to me, as the long tie look has been hot for about a year or two, and I expected to see less clip-on bowties.
If you really want to kick things up a notch, you can have a custom suit or tuxedo made for your special day. I have bought gorgeous custom suits from online custom clothier Indochino.com, and recently met Robert Fung, who owns Robbini Bespoke—a custom clothier in Philadelphia. Rob showed me three distinctively different custom suits that he made for clients who got married this year. They were all very different; from a linen suit for a destination wedding in Mexico; to a traditional black tux which was worn with a bow tie; to a gorgeous light gray suit that can be donned again for high-end affairs that don't require tuxedos. Truth be told, I love the custom suit trend that is exploding right now. Not only will you end up with a suit that fits you like no other suit you'll ever buy off the rack, you'll gain cool design elements that are truly unique. In addition to fitting perfectly, most custom suits come with your name sewn inside the jacket, and the buttons on the sleeves can open. I was recently at an event and witnessed a few stylish dudes comparing notes on their custom suit jackets and felt compelled to go over and join the conversation. I felt like I was a member of an exclusive couture club for stylish A-listers. It was a really fun conversation that ended up gaining me a few new friends.
Whether you go off the rack, custom or rental, just make sure you're comfortable, because while your bride might endure a few wardrobe changes, you're locked into your suit for the entirety of the affair, which usually includes a few hours of photos before you say “I do.” You may get to take your jacket off after the speeches, but that's usually 6 to 8 hours after you lace up your shoes!
No matter what you decide your groomsmen will wear, I would instruct you to purchase their accessories and present them as thank-you gifts for helping make your day extra special.
As far as your groomsmen's attire is concerned, use your best judgment based on their sizes, styles and budgets. The general rule is that you want them to match you, but you have to factor what they can afford and their body styles into the equation when making this decision. If you go custom, which means that that all of your buds can afford to go custom, you could steal the proverbial show and have everyone talking about your impeccable style by commissioning gorgeous, made-to-measure suits. If your boys are renting from your local retailers like Top Hat Formalwear or C.E. Roth, pick out ties, cufflinks and pocket squares that make them stand out as dashing, trendsetting gentleman. No matter what you decide your groomsmen will wear, I would instruct you to purchase their accessories and present them as thank-you gifts for helping make your day extra special. This also helps you avoid any surprise fashion faux pas on your big day.
Regarding your wife's bridesmaids attire, start getting in the habit of shaking your head yes and saying very little. Let your lady own the decisions in this process and you will be a very happy groom. Cardinal wedding rule number one: let your bride have everything she wants within reason, and only challenge the decisions that embarrass you or cost you more than you can afford.
In wrapping up I want to wish you a lifetime of happiness and fun with your new partner. I'll leave you with the balance of my recommendations that you need to remember during the odyssey that is your wedding day. These are pretty self-explanatory, but I don't think anyone will judge you if you decide to write them down and refer to them during breaks in your forthcoming big day:
- Remember to eat. Believe it or not, many brides and grooms spend so much time thanking everyone and being social butterflies that they don't make time to eat. You could pass out or get really drunk (or both) if you don't eat!
- Stay hydrated. You're probably going to drink during the celebration. I recommend having one glass of water for each alcoholic beverage that you consume to avoid looking or acting like an idiot by the end of the evening.
- Wear deodorant! You will dance and sweat. You don't want to be the smelly groom!
- Try to thank every guest during the cocktail hour. You will be pulled every direction during your affair, so say “hello” and “thanks for coming” to as many guests as possible during cocktails.
- Make an exit. In the old days, as the wedding was ending, the bride and groom would exit the reception in grand style. Instead of a soft ending, where the reception just fades and people sneak out slowly, consider leaving your reception with a bang. Line up your guests, give them sparklers, ribbon wands, flags, candles, or even bubbles, and let them say goodbye in style! You leave looking great, and your guests depart with something fun to talk about forever. Once outside, a horse drawn carriage, vintage car or even matching mopeds await, and you and your new spouse are off to your happily ever after in style!
- Enjoy the first day of the rest of your life together like it was your last, happy grooms-to-be of the Lehigh Valley! Plan your special day to a tee so that you can enjoy the ride and savor all of the fantastic moments. Look your bride in the eyes and kiss her with more passion than you have ever kissed her before. And show everyone who shares the joy of your wedding day with you how happy you are.
Here's to a long and happy life together!
