Clickbait preys on our anxieties. Endless scrolling is designed to expose us to endless ads. The rhythm of our lives is interrupted by the impulse to check meaningless content. We could all use a little insight from psychotherapist and empowerment mentor Shonda Moralis on embracing habits that set more of our time and attention free.
The Opposite of Calm
Any responsible citizen wants to keep up with current events, especially after the still-lingering carousel of chaos that was 2020. The trouble is, Moralis says, while our anxiety drives us to try to discover what to look out for, the answers can be overwhelming. “We want a quick hit of dopamine to feel happier, better, or calm fears, but end up actually ramping up anxiety by taking in too much information.”
The quick soundbites and headlines whose satisfaction so quickly wears off keep us on the surface of the things we really want to know about. This dynamic doesn’t allow us to assimilate, understand and feel confident in our knowledge.
Befriend Boredom
One of the most unbearable sensations in today’s world is boredom. If you feel like your skin crawls during idle time, causing you to reach for the phone, stop what you’re doing, take a deep breath or two and ask yourself if that’s really how you want to spend your time. Check in with what you’re feeling and thinking. The wave of any craving crests and falls. When we ride that for a little bit, we learn that we’ll be OK.
Boredom, Moralis tells us, is the precursor to creativity. “If we want to innovate, we need to go through boredom,” she says. “We should invite boredom because that’s when all these great ideas bubble up.” Passive consumption takes up mental space meant for our own thoughts.
Set Limits
Being intentional about your purpose with technology and even setting a timer can help you maintain control of how much time you’ll spend on something that you know won’t add anything to your day.
“If you’re trying to lose weight, you wouldn’t put chocolate cakes all over the house,” Moralis reminds us. It’s OK to make things easier for yourself by putting your phone away to avoid its provocative lure, or telling your family when you have time set aside for a project that needs focus. A flow state of inspired productivity takes time to get into every time you’re interrupted.
Go 3D
Be it cooking, painting, gardening, conversation, building something or getting outdoors to soak up nature’s healing energy, activities that stimulate the senses really make us feel alive like no video of a hamster or celebrity’s political hot take can.
What’s the perfect hobby to start spending your precious time on? It matters less what you do than that you allow yourself to experiment. “Pick up something new or think about what you loved to do as a kid,” Moralis suggests.
And instead of pulling out your phone in a quiet moment, stretch, read a book, wash something or—dare we say—do nothing. Look around and be present for your life.
Mind the Good
Notifications, to-do lists and past/future worries can rob us of life’s simple pleasures, so make a point of going deliberately on the lookout for pleasant or beautiful moments throughout the day.
The 5-Minute Rule
Getting started in new habits is the hardest part, but according to Moralis, assigning yourself as little as five or 10 minutes to write, exercise or work is often all you need to gain momentum.
This is a big help when setting goals to get immersed in hobbies that take us away from our devices. “Try it for five minutes. If you don’t like it, you never have to do it again. Have fun with it.”
Better Bedtime
Unlike our phones, our brains don’t power down at the press of a button. When we keep them stimulated by images and screen light right before bed, it’s akin to telling kids who have just been running around having hysterical fun to lie down and sleep.
“We need to coax our minds into that place,” Moralis says. “Rituals and habits help signal our minds what to expect, what comes next.”
Consider what you might do for at least half an hour before you want to fall asleep, besides forwarding memes. Reading, meditation or gentle yoga can restfully escort us toward slumber, and good sleep has a snowball effect, producing greater energy and happiness overall.
The Expert:
Shonda Moralis
Women's Empowerment Mentor, Author, Speaker & Psychotherapist
