These days we are inundated with advertisements and infomercials regarding our health and how to improve it. Most deals promise a quick-fix approach to weight loss or a guarantee to look lean and mean within 90 days or so. One plan says we can dance our way to beautiful bodies while wearing cool cargo pants and sports bras. The clips from the DVD resemble a nightclub scene on Miami’s South Beach. It’s sexy and sweaty but I couldn’t possibly move my hips that way, at least not intentionally. I’m going to go out on a limb and bet the folks dancing at home don’t quite look like the gals dancing in the infomercial. Another gizmo claims to produce rock hard abs and that six-pack we have always wanted without having to do a single exercise. Rather, we can simply strap on a fancy pulsating belt that causes us to involuntarily contract our stomach muscles, all while we are doing the dishes or rearranging our underwear drawer. Heck, we can even wear it to bed. There is something paradoxically wrong with sleeping while exercising. Isn’t there?
Health and fitness are omnipresent. At any given moment of the day we can flip on the television and learn how to do a workout that borders on insanity. We can also find support for the health of our brittle joints. And we can spin ourselves into shape, lose inches off our bellies, sculpt a Brazilian butt or easily remove hair from unwanted places. We can even have perkier boobs without the hassle of wires, straps or hooks. The claims seem outrageous until we see the before-and-after pictures and buy into the whole concept, hook, line and sinker. I am as guilty as the next schmuck showing weakness by purchasing several of these get-fit schemes, save for the unwanted hair removal system and perkier boobs. And, to my surprise (and maybe as a credit to my hard work) I have found some exercise plans that have actually produced positive results. I am still working on my Brazilian butt. Right now, I’d say my butt is somewhere between Paraguay and Bolivia.
Perhaps my goal should be to get it north of the equator, like a Canadian butt. Doesn’t that kind of sound like a type of bacon?
Now don’t get me wrong, some of these systems really work. But like always, it is a matter of caveat emptor as everything has a catch. If you take time to read the fine print below those before-and-after pictures you will find that every exercise system ensures success but only when accompanied by a healthy and realistic diet plan. Let’s face it people, we are not going to have washboard abs no matter how hard we work unless we cut out the pizza and beer. And if we are going to take in way more calories than we burn then we are never going to lose those last five pounds that we have been carrying around like saddlebags. It doesn’t require a medical degree to know these things—any program that suggests otherwise is probably not worth the money.
As much as I hate to say it, moderation is probably the key to good health, and moderation can be very, very boring. I have become moderate in my endeavors to maintain some semblance of a healthy human being and it sucks. So I am now familiar with things like rice cakes and soybeans. Every time I visit the ice cream shop I opt for the fat-free yogurt. I eat turkey burgers and chilled cucumber soup, and soda is a no-no. I couldn’t possibly have imagined that my life would be reduced to this, but it is. No tears, please. What really burns my butt is that diet and exercise guarantee you nothing. Heck, my Aunt Josie is 99 and I am fairly certain she never exercised a day in her life or ever took into consideration what she ate. I don’t even think she ever wore pants—99 years, no pants!
Committing to a life of health food and routine workouts is kind of like keeping faith in a higher power. You don’t know if what you are doing really matters but you are too afraid of the alternative. What will happen if I don’t work out? Should I make White Castle my go-to restaurant or stick with the bean sprouts? What if I stop saying my nighttime prayers? I would like to dabble in the occult but fear that such behavior could possibly exclude me from the afterlife should one exist. It’s a real kick in the pants. No one really wants to dedicate time and energy to a fruitless cause, but what if? Better safe than sorry, I suppose.
Despite all the diet and exercise and recent attempts by those in authority to help Americans make healthy choices, our country continues to get fatter and fatter. According to one recent study, obesity rates among adults now exceed 25 percent in most states, Pennsylvania included. These numbers, unfortunately, seem to be on the incline. Will the trend ever change? It certainly should.
“Typically kids don’t do the grocery shopping, and this means they are not usually responsible for what foods come into the house.”
Ignorance cannot be used as an excuse these days for we are blessed with a wealth of information at our fingertips. Phone apps with restaurant menus and calorie counters are widely available and usually for free. Even the major fast food joints make public their nutritional information so you know in advance that the Double Quarter Pounder with cheese, for example, has 42 grams of fat and 740 calories. Another great source of information is the Eat This, Not That website that provides nutritional options for most chain restaurants in the country, except for one that will not divulge its menu’s nutritional info. I can’t say which one, but it rhymes with Bumblebee’s! What on Earth could they be hiding?
Sometimes good health and good eating boil down to common sense and a little bit of effort. Really, is it that difficult to steam some vegetables or a piece of fish? Of course it’s not. It probably takes more time, energy and money to deep fry. The time is now to break the old habits and start anew. Eat something green! Take a walk! Don’t leave your future to chance. Your kids may not always listen to you but they sure as heck will emulate you. Pass on the good habits to your children and save them from the obesity that plagues our country. Obesity is the fastest growing cause of disease and death in this land and it is completely preventable!
I spend a fair amount of time in the local public schools and have mixed feelings about what I have observed in the cafeterias. It still puzzles me that some schools have vending machines with soda and other sugary drinks. One elementary school I frequented offered nothing close to a hot vegetable with lunch but still managed to have a large freezer filled with ice cream strategically placed by the cashier. No kid can resist that impulse. I don’t get it. Fruit was often offered by way of a whole apple or orange. What second grader is going to take the time to peel an orange? How about some apple slices in a cup for crying out loud?
Most school districts, however, have made great strides in the cafeteria and their effort should not go unnoticed. The Wilson Area School District website provides monthly tips on diet and nutrition and gives full disclosure of all information regarding lunch items and their contents. The Bethlehem Area School District adheres to the Pennsylvania Department of Education’s Nutrition Standards for Competitive Foods, thus leading students toward healthier choices in their cafeterias. The Allentown School District also follows the state standards that limit the amount of fried foods served in the schools and other foods considered to be of minimal nutritional value. And the Nazareth Area School District encourages parents of elementary school students to order classroom birthday baskets where all items meet the district’s wellness policy. I commend them for their efforts. A healthier student is a better learner.
I get on the schools because I am a firm believer in early intervention, whether it is related to diet, drugs, bullying or even s-e-x. Unfortunately the financial climate these days does not allow for such programs, as they have mostly been deemed by the districts to be frivolous and not vital to the growth of our children. As a result, our children are suffering because of these changes. So we cannot always rely on the schools to be the educators and the conduit for all things good. Early intervention must also begin at home. Typically kids don’t do the grocery shopping, and this means they are not usually responsible for what foods come into the house. So if your kids are eating too much junk food they are not to blame because they didn’t buy it.
Make better choices about what to give to your family and stop the madness. Take care of yourself and make health and fitness a family affair. Put down this magazine, turn off the television and enjoy this beautiful fall weather with your family. Change begins in the home, and the sad fact is that our kids are fat, very fat. Educate them and educate yourselves. Anything with the words “double” or “extra” or “supreme” is probably too much for one person. And please remember that nothing ever, ever needs to be super-sized. Peace!
by vince ramunni | illustration by melissa rose
